Buster...attack killer dog

I learned a big lesson yesterday. Never...and I repeat..NEVER attempt to take care of a puppy while you're on crutches. I came home from work yesterday afternoon. Nobody was home. It was just me, Bogey and Buster. I tried my best not to let Buster know I was home since I knew if he saw me I'd have to let him out of his crate and out to the backyard so he could do his business on the grass. His hearing is better than mine and Bogey's. He heard the door and started to whine and bark. I went upstairs, changed my clothes, took my shoes off and tried my best to ignore his pleas but he just sounds so pathetic I just had to let him out. BIG MISTAKE #1. I hopped back down stairs to find this way too cute little fur ball staring at me with this big "PLEASE" look on his face. I had no chance at this point. I opened the cage, opened the back door expecting the little fur ball to be a good little puppy and go outside. Mistake #2. He turned and ran the other way toward the kitchen. Now I have a puppy ready to pee and poop, running around inside the house and I'm chasing him on crutches. I catch him and try my best to round him up using my crutches like a cowboy rounding up his cattle. I'm not going to let a puppy get the best of me. After a few minutes of playing cowboy I had won the battle and Buster was outside being a good boy peeing on the grass. So far, so good. Now all I have to do is round him back up and get him back inside the house. How tough could that be? I go to the door and call Buster, he loves being inside the house so this should be easy. Buster looks at me, looks at the door, looks at the backyard and takes off. The wrong way. Bogey looks at me with this "I warned you, don't look at me, you're the one who wanted a puppy" look on his face. I grab my crutches and give chase. I'm getting pretty fast on these crutches but I have to admit, the kid has better moves than I do. He runs full speed under my utility trailer we keep on the side yard. At this point, I'm not looking too good and I'm thinking I might need help to round up Buster. He comes out...we stare at each other. He has something in his mouth that I'm pretty sure he shouldn't be munching on. I make my move and catch him. I try my best to coax him back toward the door...trying to be nice. He takes a few steps and then bolt toward the trailer again. Time to regroup. Bogey is just sitting there, laughing at me. I have an idea...tease him with food...something the little monster has never seen. (notice how he's gone from a cute little fur ball to a monster at this point). I go back to the kitchen, grab a hot dog and head back to the showdown. I lean down under the trailer and he smells the hot dog. He comes running out to sniff out this new taste treat...it's working!!MISTAKE #3. Suddenly I feel a tug on the hot dog..my bait has been taken...BY BOGEY. He ate my bait, the entire hot dog was gone!! I felt so stupid. I was duped by a Basset Hound once again. Bogey ran off to the safety of the inside of the house. Fat and happy..with my bait. But...being of superior intelligence I quickly realized I still had hot dog juice on my fingers and the little guy didn't know I didn't really have the hot dog. He smelled by fingers and started to follow me back to the house thinking there must be something in this for him when we get back inside the house. Minutes later I'm back inside the house with the door shut. I did it. I won the battle...or so I thought. I gave Buster a puppy treat, not the juicy hot dog he thought he was getting but he seemed happy. I sat down on the floor to play with Buster. MISTAKE #4. Here is some advice. Never sit down on the floor, with a puppy, bare feet and a bad leg. As you all know, Puppies love to use their very sharp teeth on anything they can dig these weapons of mass destruction into. Buster, as cute as he may be...is no different. He went after my uncovered toes. I forgot just how sharp puppies teeth are...he reminded me. I grabbed him and brought him back to my chest. He went for my hands. Now I'm bleeding on my left hand from those little weapons he has in his mouth and my left little toe has teeth marks in it. I put the little devil dog back on the ground to take care of my wounds. My toes starts to get eaten again. Now I know I'm in big trouble. What did I do to deserve this? I'm starting to think he must have heard me call his mother a good looking bitch. I meant that as a compliment. Really, I did! I call Kathleen on my cell phone as I try my best to roll on the ground away from what I'm now calling names I can't print. I beg for mercy as he goes back to the little toe on my bad leg. I warn Kathleen that she should get home ASAP, if not she will just find a pair of crutches and what's left of my left foot when she gets home. We bought a man eater. A little furry fat Piranha with feet. I'm thinking I should have given him a real hot dog at this point, he obviously wants fresh meat and I'm on the menu. Lucky for me I see his favorite chew toy..other than my left foot that is...this long red furry chew thingy. Not really sure what it actually is but I know he likes it. I roll over on the floor, dragging my way slowly across the floor..like I'm avoiding sniper fire on the beaches of Normandy on D-Day, bleeding..it was getting ugly... toward his toy fearing my feet would be eaten at any point. I grab the red "whatever it is" thingy...and toss it over to the great white fur ball hoping to get his attention before he comes in for the kill. In my mind, I'm picturing the scene from "Jaws" where the boat captain is slowly being eaten by the Great White Shark as he slides down the sinking boat. One toe at a time. so...I toss the red toy toward the little white man eater. He looks at it...he looks at me..AND?? I know..the suspense is killing you, isn't it? He takes the red toy. The battle is over. I scramble back to the couch for safety. He's happy and I still have a few toes still left untouched. Kathleen came home 30 minutes later to find me sitting on the couch, in the fetal position, with blood stains on my shirt. Kathleen looks at her cute little fur ball and thinks I'm making the whole thing up. Of course Buster immediately goes back into his full cute little puppy mode. Kathleen picks up her little bundle of white fluffy joy and he licks her on the face. Talk about a momma's boy. "He's SO cute" she's thinking. How could this cute little fluffy puppy become "Cujo, attack killer dog"? Bogey just sat and laughed. I told Kathleen I wanted to change his name to Charlie Manson. She wasn't amused. But at least my nightmare was over. I learned my lesson. I told Kathleen I am never coming home again alone until my leg has healed to the point where I won't need crutches. Then, it's game on Buster. I know I'm bigger, faster and smarter than he is. Right? Ok..maybe just bigger...at least for the next year anyway. Thanks for reading.